Hello mon chérie,
There’s a very specific internet voice that makes rituals sound like it requires linen robes and a full moon.
DW! This is not that!
A ritual at home does not need elaborate lingerie or a lighting plan that involves three apps and a mood board. It just needs a little attention, little intention and, ideally, a willingness to not make it weirdly precious.
The whole point is that it’s meant to feel good.
First: decide you’re not multitasking anymore
This is honestly the hardest part!!!
No phone in your hand pretending you’re “just replying quickly.” No half-watching something in the background like your brain is a browser with 37 tabs open.
You don’t need to announce it. Just quietly stop splitting yourself in five directions.
That’s the ritual lol.
Everything else is decoration.
Second: make the room feel slightly different than “regular life”
Not unrecognisable. Just… edited.
Turn the overhead light off (overhead lighting is rarely doing anyone any favours), put on music, open a window if the air feels stale but also close it if the outside world is being annoying.
DW about it being perfect, just give your brain some signals that something is happening here even if it’s low key not nothing.
Third: Don’t overcomplicate the setup
It's not a production, (BUT! sometimes it's nice to plan out a scene - that's a different blog) and the more you try to formalise it, it's less fun. So instead, maybe think in textures and small decisions...
What does it feel like?
What does it sound like?
What do you want your attention to land on? ...a paddle on my ass lol...
That’s it!
Four: Let anticipation do its job (which is most of it)
We don’t talk enough about anticipation, probably because it’s not very photogenic, but that's where the energy actually lives.
So, if you rush past it, you’ve basically skipped the best part.
So don’t!
Maybe just stay there a little longer than feels necessary.
Lost count: Keep it a little unserious
This is important!
If it starts feeling like a performance of “having a ritual,” you’ve gone too far.
You’re allowed to laugh. You’re allowed to adjust things mid-way. You’re allowed for it to feel slightly improvised and human and not particularly aesthetic from every angle.
It’s not supposed to impress anyone. It’s supposed to make you feel more in your body than in your head.
Whatever, it's the last one: And then, don’t just stop?
A moment where everything slows back down. Where you remember the room again. Where you’re not in the middle of anything anymore.
Maybe you sit there for a minute longer than you usually would. Maybe you don’t immediately reach for your phone (a radical act, honestly). Maybe you just exist for a second without translating the experience into anything.
There's more about aftercare. I think everyone's different, have different experiences (sub drop) so don't wait for that blog post - talk about it with your person.
Also, that's why we add a little sweet treat to your orders, a little sugar after an intense experience can feel caring.
Anyway, stop overthinking! Go touch grass or velvet or whatever feels right, mon chéries. ✷
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